Sunday, November 14, 2010

Not counting the days anymore

I have decided that I am not going to count the days Nathan is gone. I am not even going to count the weeks! I feel that it's like watching a pot of water boil --it goes much faster if you aren't standing there watching it every second.

I absolutely have the best family in the world. I don't know why God blessed me so much but He truly did. My dad and sister flew out to drive one of my cars back and to sit with the baby during the 20 hour car trip. Now THAT was fun.... Actually, N did better than I anticipated. He doesn't really like car rides very much but my dad fixed his car seat so that it reclines a little more and N seemed to really like it. At one point we had to stop every 2 hours for about a half hour so N could get out and move around. I thought we would never get home! My friend and neighbor Jana, and her husband and children drove my car up to the air port with me (a 2 hour one way trip!) to pick up my father and sister. Jana was actually the main reason I was able to clear housing on time. She and her husband helped me a TON with laundry, babysitting, cleaning my house and helping me pack. I honestly do not think I would have been able to get everything done without there help. I truly appreciate all they did for me and for their friendship. Really, all of my friends were so helpful and I am very grateful for them all. Amanda ended up babysitting a lot for me while I packed and put stuff in storage and she also fed me dinner and breakfast and let me do about 4 loads of laundry at her house. Thank you all so so much!
I wasn't able to say goodbye to all of my friends which I regret. Goodbye's are normally awkward anyway I guess... :-(
I am glad that Nathan and I decided that I should move home for this deployment. I didn't realize how much I missed my family. My sisters are all growing up so fast and I haven't gotten to know my niece and 2 nephews so I am glad that I will have this opportunity. Having everyone around also helps me to not think about my own feeling of loss and to stay busy and keep moving forward. My sisters are awesome. They are my best friends. They are my "gang". They are all so beautiful and talented. They are all kind and full of love. Never take for granted what God has given to you. It can be all be taken away in a heart beat. When I said goodbye to Nathan at the motor pool I made sure to say ALL of my goodbyes. Maybe it's morbid, but that could very well be the last time I ever see him. Every time I talk to him I think: this could be the last time. Say everything you want now because you might not get another chance. When I here that his FOB was attacked I thank God he is safe and it just reiterates how fragile life is.
I do not worry all day long about whether or not Nathan is ok. If he doesn't call when he said he would or he doesn't get online when he said, I don't worry. I don't worry when I here his base was mortared. My theory is that everyone is going to die at some point and whether or not I am worry it's not going to change their life span. If Nathan is supposed to die at age 22, no matter how much I worry about it, it's going to happen. Same thing for us all. I have a better chance of dying in a car accident than Nathan does in Iraq. The only difference is I don't have people shooting at me all the time.  Well, I guess I should stop now since I have just been rambling this whole post. Tonight I ask you to do something nice for your husband. Rub his feet. Order him a pizza. Make him dessert. Tell him you love him. Just don't take him for granted. You never know what tomorrow brings.

1 comment:

  1. This is from a poem written by a firefighter's wife, but I thought you would like this excerpt...(the full poem is on my blog)

    The Padre said to the fireman’s wife
    “A woman who chooses to live such a life
    must accept times full of fun and also full of pain
    as well as times full of sun and times full of rain.
    But know that the yoke that you quietly wear
    is also a great burden that he too must share.
    Be content with some comfort, for it be true
    and do not be troubled nor your life should you rue
    for your husband though he leads a valiant life,
    holds higher than the heavens, you, his wife
    and he would be resolute and first to agree
    that you are the much braver, far braver than he.”